There's No Such Thing as Heroes
by The Potters of the Future
Summary: Alex is asked to write an essay on what a hero is. This is what he hands in.
1. Chapter 1

What is a Hero?

It was just in an ordinary day in Brookland Comprehensive. Or not so ordinary as Alex Rider was (for once) present. The boy in question was sitting in his new seat (the seating plan had changed whilst he had been absent). Mrs Collins, Alex's English teacher had placed Alex at the back of the classroom. Alex got it he wasn't there enough to be given a seat where she could help him. And when Alex was there he always seemed way ahead of the class anyway so he didn't really need the teacher's help anyway.

Harry knew that she like all the staff and all the students considered Alex to be a delinquent. The students were convinced that he was a drug dealer or a drug abuser. Alex just ignored the rumours about him knowing they weren't true. After Jack had died Alex had tried to adapt to a civilian life with the Pleasures in America. It didn't work. Alex missed his work and England too much. After just one summer Alex had come back to Brookland where MI6 had given him a place in the school and MI6.

But now he got paid for all missions under Blunt and all missions under Jones. Alex had great friends in MI6 and the SAS. Alex hadn't spoken to Sabina since the day he had left. Alex understood that the Pleasures hadn't wanted anything to do with the dark and dangerous world that had almost killed Sabina and Edward. Alex understood that being involved with spies was dangerous so he let them go. At the present Alex only had one friend who was a civilian. And that was Tom Harris. Alex may be the teenaged super spy but Tom was just weird.

There was no other word for Tom Harris. But Alex loved Tom's completely unique view on the world. Tom could make Alex laugh all the time, although, Alex had learned not to leave Tom and Eagle alone together. That was a recipe for disaster. Especially with sugar or energy drinks. Alex would think that Snake as the unit medic would know better than to leave the alone with those products. But apparently not Alex shuddered when he remembered walking into Snake's kitchen to see Tom and Eagle literally bouncing off the walls.

Let's just say that Snake lived to regret that, mainly because he had to buy a new kitchen, but also because Alex destroyed him again and again at hand-to-hand combat training. By the end of those two weeks Snake looked like he'd had black, blue and yellow paint tipped over him. The other four got their kicks out of Snake having the shit kicked out of him by a fifteen year old for two days until Alex had turned his skills on them. The other units at SAS camp preferred to stay well away from him. Not that Alex blamed them; he was completely ruthless.

Alex may live on his own – not that the teachers knew this thinking he lived with Ben – as was one of his conditions he had insisted on in his contract with Mrs Jones. Mrs Jones hadn't been happy with it at first but when reminded that if he could look after himself whilst on almost suicidal missions cooking and cleaning would be simple. Mrs Jones eventually saw reason (and Alex's newly acquired knife). Alex was damn scary when he wanted to be. Of course, _most_ of that was just an act. Most of it!

Alex had bought a new house not far from Brookland. No matter the rumours which would be the same whichever school he went to (apparently he couldn't quite yet). Alex knew that the teachers there would feel a little bit of pity because of his uncle and although most of the students were unpleasant at least he had Tom. But he still spent a lot of time off school. It was December and now he had spent several weeks in September off and few weeks at the end of November and the start of December off.

The teachers hated that and had called Ben in several times. Ben just nodded and said that Alex was likely to spend more time off as he had a weak immune system. Mr Bray hadn't been happy about this but couldn't find anywhere that the man and boy were lying to him. Alex liked spending time with Ben and K Unit which was why he and Tom spent so much time at their various homes around London. Alex now loved his life. He still missed Jack a lot and he was glad that he didn't have to live in his old house with all the memories of Jack.

No he would not think of her now. She was dead that was all there was to it. He knew he was to blame no matter what anyone else told him and he feared the same would happen to Tom his one civilian friend he had left. But Tom refused to leave even when Alex had told him that if he stayed around Alex he would get killed because of who and what Alex was. Tom rather predictably didn't listen to a word Alex had said. Not that that was too unusual. Alex had accepted it after Ben had talked to him but he was still uneasy about his friendship with Tom.

Today in English Miss Collins the young, new, single, heart throb to most of the Brookland males had come in. She was wearing a floral violet dress that was completely unpractical considering the temperature outside and even less practical high heels. Her blonde her bobbed in its curls and had all the males Tom included. Tom was a few rows in front of Alex obviously focussing solely on Miss Collin. Alex rolled his eyes at his friend's behaviour and his teacher's obliviousness. She obviously was no spy.

'Today I would like you all to write an essay on what it means to be a hero. You can use well known figures of figures that are personal to you to write this essay. I would like it to be handed in by the end of class and be between one and two pages,' Miss Collins said.

Alex could have groaned. Anything but that! Alex had even seen Tom glance back at him. Alex knew Tom was under the impression that Alex was a hero because of everything he had done in the line of duty, and blackmail. Alex didn't think he was a hero at all, surely heroes didn't, wouldn't, murder. He had been told several times that taking lives in the line of duty wasn't murder. But Alex wasn't as convinced as other people. Alex looked around at his classmates that were already scribbling hurriedly away whilst Alex hadn't even started.

'Alex you know you can't write without your pen,' Miss Collins had said.

'I was thinking,' Alex replied.

Alex had heard the laughter at his classmates and the look of the pity that Tom had given him. Alex wasn't scared of the teachers after all they weren't holding guns or machetes. Heck Alex didn't even respect the teachers; they'd never seen, experienced or risked what Alex had. Alex didn't think he was a good man – boy – but he certainly was. What? Not a hero that was for certain. But then what? A spy and soldier he knew that. But why did he think he deserved more respect than others? He'd killed people but so had many murderers. He'd save lives; but more than that he had lost almost everything that he had so that others could survive.

Was it the sacrifice of his innocence, family, friends and humanity he wanted respected. Yes that was it. But although he had lost his innocence and instead of seeing the world in black and white like the rest of his peers naively saw the world he saw it more honestly in shades of grey. Wasn't that better? He got to see things as they really were. His family had known what they were risking and had given it up even Jack. And his friends; he had lost children as friends (but Tom) but that showed what kind of friends they were to turn his back on him because they didn't understand.

Tom hadn't even before Alex had told him the truth about himself in Venice. He'd accepted that something was going on even though he didn't know what. But he unlike the rest of Alex's so called friends hadn't turned his back on him. Then Alex had re-met Ben and they'd got on and worked brilliantly together so had become tight. Ben understood Alex more than anyone in the world. It had been Ben who had reintroduced Alex to K Unit. Wolf and Alex had made piece in Point Blanc. Eagle and Fox had reserved judgement and the newbie Jaguar had reserved judgement until he found that Alex was up to his standards.

And that was that. Alex picked up his pencil thinking of what he could write about heroes. But he didn't know what there was to write. How do you write about something you don't believe in? Heroes Alex didn't believe in anymore than he did in magic and destiny. There were heroic deeds and there were evil deeds and everything in between. But there were no such things as heroes that Alex was sure of. Alex frowned if he had been any other teenager he would have been chewing on his pencil. Alex started by looking up a dictionary for the definition of hero.

_The definition of hero:_

_A man of distinguished courage or ability, admired for his brave deeds and noble qualities. _

_A person who, in the opinion of others, has heroic qualities or has performed a heroic act and is regarded as a model or ideal._

Alex started his essay easily enough wondering if Miss Collins would mind that he had used a dictionary definition in the essay. Alex hoped so but didn't not. Alex frowned at the fact that a hero could be based on abilities. But what abilities was it talking about? And courage that was easy but if you used your courage to kill people then you weren't a hero. As for noble risking your life for other was noble but it what if that "hero" went on and murdered someone else would that person still be counted as a hero?

_There are no such things as heroes!_

_There are heroic deeds and there are evil deeds and everything in between. But a man who has once saved one persons life can then turn around and kill another person. Is this man a hero? Is this man a villain? Is he both? Is he neither? Or is it just deeds? _

_It is commonly thought that spies and soldiers are our countries heroes because they protect us from the evils of the world. But as Friedrich Nietzsche says "Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one". Isn't this what happens to military personnel all over the world? Oh yes they protect civilians but in the end they will become just as bad as those they fight. For example, at Guantanamo Bay American soldiers were willing to torture terror suspects to get the information they needed._

_Can we say these me are heroes? No of course not they have tortured. Can we say that those who work in the Black ops who are employed assassins are heroes? They may save people but their methods are highly questionable. This is the same as spies everywhere. It is only the side that that so called good and bad people belong to that differs not the methods. Can we really use the excuse an ends to a means? Or does that make us as bad as the people we fight? What is a hero? I believe there is no such thing as heroes._

_A hero is like magic and destiny exists only in the realm of storybooks, children and people who do not or cannot see in the real world, naïve people. There is no point in believing in things like heroes it only gets you hurt in the end. It is far better to see the world as it is. Because in the real world unlike the movies the good guys can die in horrific pain but the bad guys often walk away their plans having succeeded. Bad guys are not bald men in black suits stroking white cats like in cartoons. It is almost impossible to tell an assassin from a normal civilian. It is that what makes them so dangerous._

Alex placed his pen down having finished and realised that somewhere in his essay it had changed from an account to what heroes are not to a personal account of his experiences. Alex looked it over but realising that nobody could tell where his rather depressing thoughts had come from. Alex waited in silence until he had to hand Miss Collins the essay at the end of the lesson. Alex knew that his essay like everything else about him was likely to be a world away from everything else about him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Miss Jessica Collins one of the English teachers at Brookland Comprehensive was sat at home in the cream living room of her small apartment with a stack of papers to mark. She had put a small, barely decorated Christmas tree up. It had been put up at her eight year old sister, Jenny's insistence when her parents, her fifteen year old brother and eight year old sister had come over last month. Jessica was going to be spending Christmas with them when school term let out in two weeks. She sighed at her tedious task. Why had she set this task knowing that she was going to be the one marking them?

Jessica read through the papers giving hints and tips as she went. Gracie Franks got an A for her report on her older brother who was in the army. Sean Devon got marked down from a B to a C because of his grammar, punctuation and spelling wasn't at all up to speed. Tom Harris would have got an A had it not been for the fact that it was just way too short. Rachel Tyler had no paragraphs another C. Yvonne Sampson got a good B having done almost enough for an A but not quite. Then Jessica got to Alex Rider's paper.

Jessica had been more than a little worried when she had accepted a job as she – like the whole world – had heard of shooting back in May with Tom Harris being shot. But she had thought that lightening couldn't strike twice, surely so had accepted it. And that was that. Jessica had begun working the next September were she had learnt to ignore the hormonal teenaged boys' lustful looks knowing that it would mostly pass with maturity. It wasn't long until staff room talk came to Alex Rider. Jessica had at first wondered why the teachers were gossiping about a fifteen year old boy. But then she had met the infamous Alex Rider.

Alex Rider had been off for the first three weeks of school term for unknown reason. Then he had just turned up one day with a sick note. JJessica had become fast friends with Jane Bedfordshire being close in age and the secretary had told her that it had said that he'd had chicken pocks. There seemed to be nothing to say it wasn't true and nobody could find any fault in his explanation. But for the fact the boy was also covered in bruises and cuts and it had happened many times before. When Jessica had asked Alex where the bruises and cuts had come from the boy claimed he'd fallen down the stairs whilst trying to get toast without waking his guardian who had been working nightshift.

Again there seemed to be nothing wrong with this explanation. Jessica initially suspected abuse but as it had started before with another guardian that didn't seem likely. So Jessica had almost believed him but when the pattern repeated itself at the end of November to the start of December. This time the boy had come back with bandages wrapped around his left arm. When the bandages had been removed the boy what looked like a knife wound down his left arm. Jane had told Jessica that the boy had told her that he had tripped whilst cutting bread. Jessica didn't see how anybody could do that and wondered about self arm. But his wrists when inspected were clean. Jane had remarked that it was strange because Alex was never clumsy actually he was very careful.

Jessica had been told that Alex had been ill with measles. But it looked like something else was up. Gangs? Drugs? She knew that some teenagers could get involved in deep trouble like that. And as the catalyst to all this was his uncle's death then it could be believed that the boy had used something like this to escape his grief and pain. But then why did he have doctors' notes? The headmaster had even called up the Doctor Crawley who had confirmed what they had said. Alex had never once shown anything to be a lie.

But it was those chocolate brown eyes that should look innocent but never could. They scared the life out of Jessica more than anything else. The first time she had seen the boy she had seen a young, fairly handsome young boy. Then she had locked upon those eyes. It had been said that eyes the window to one's soul. If that were so then Jessica was sure that she had never seen a soul like Alex Rider's. There was intelligence there and some secret knowledge that Jessica didn't understand. Then there was the darkness of someone who's seen too much, way too much. What could a fifteen year old have seen to make him look like that? And even further down Jessica could see something dark and dangerous lurking down there, something that made her shiver.

Was she scared of her student? It would seem that yes she was. But Alex Rider was certainly a huge mystery to her and the rest of Brookland. No matter how many times she had tried to get to the bottom of Alex Rider she had never even found one of his secrets. But he seemed to know everything about her. Jessica often wondered how he'd found out. In the end Jessica had given up and had moved him to the back of the class which wasn't much of a loss since he had only been here for about just over a month in total anyway.

Giving up on trying figuring out the elusive boy who was Alex Rider she picked up her pen once more to begin to work on what he had wrote about heroes. Maybe this would give her a better insight onto the odd teenager. Jessica was feeling tired it was rather late but she wanted to get these done by tomorrow so that the class could get them back. She had found that some students had been pestering her all week for the assignments. Not Alex Rider he just seemed bored in class and amused at his classmate's reaction.

_There are no such things as heroes!_

What? This wasn't what the assignment was about. But there it was plain as day what Alex was writing about. Surely all boys Alex's age dreamed about being James Bond or Jason Bourne or whoever. Jessica had certainly read enough of the teenagers' essays about how they wanted to grow up to be super spies. Jessica doubted that this would happen but accepted it none the less. Most of the boys who wrote about wanting to be spies hadn't got the greatest grades which Jessica thought was they were too busy watching movies to bother with work. But Jessica felt she had to mark the essay. And it was an excellent opening sentence.

_There are heroic deeds and there are evil deeds and everything in between. _

That is true Jessica thought. But a person's deeds which make stems from their choices which come from what kind of person they are. A hero will do heroic deeds whilst an evil man will do evil deeds. Surely that's all there is to it. Jessica sighed and marked out the "deeds" asking Alex to change one of them so to something like acts so it didn't become to repetitive. But apart from that there was nothing wrong with his sentence. Jessica wondered what kind of acts that Alex had done in his short life; good, bad or a bit of both to make him believe this.

_But a man who has once saved one persons life can then turn around and kill another person. _

Jessica shuddered. How could a fifteen year old think like this? This boy was certainly very dark. But he didn't seem to be a Goth or depressive then why were these thoughts so violent? What had those all too ancient eyes seen? Jessica found herself no longer hating the boy but feeling a lot of worry about this boy. How long had his depression gone on without anyone noticing? Had it been his uncle's death? Had it been what had happened last May? Jessica had heard all the children there had been given counselling so surely Alex had as well.

_Is this man a hero? _

Jessica frowned at this. Of course, the man wasn't a hero. He may have saved one life but he was still a murderer. Didn't Alex know this? This essay wasn't like the many others she had marked and she was worried for the boy's mental health if nothing else. Jessica decided she'd talk to Nancy the grey haired school psychologist after she had finished marking showing her the essay. Hopefully the psychologist would be able to help the troubled youth. If Nancy couldn't or wouldn't then she was afraid that the boy would stay in the same downward spiral.

_Is this man a villain? _

Of course, he was. Surely the boy knew that if you killed someone that made you a villain. Then a very dark thought entered Jessica's mind. A thought she never thought she'd have about any child whilst doing her teaching degree or any other time for that matter. A thought that made her shudder as soon as it had crossed her mind. It was a thought that Jessica regretted as soon as the thought had formed. Had Alex killed anyone? As much as Jessica tried to push it away and forget the thought she never could. She just hoped she was wrong.

_Is he both? _

No he's just a murderer. How can it be both? Jessica couldn't think of anyone who could save one life then kill another. You couldn't be a heroic murderer. What was going on in this boy's head? But then coming back to her previous thought about Alex Rider she wondered. Was the boy trying to make himself feel better about killing someone? Or maybe he felt guilty for a death that wasn't his fault and he was trying to convince himself it wasn't his fault. Jessica didn't know but she was beginning to feel very sick.

_Is he neither?_

Again of course he's a villain. He's bloody killed someone. You could tell that Jessica was getting very upset and worked up because even in her thoughts she never swore. Jessica couldn't help but thinking out of all these pointless essays that she had made the class write as a tool to work on their writing she hadn't had one anywhere near as thought provoking as Alex Rider's. Jessica decided to write that at the bottom of the page so as to encourage Alex to turn up to school more. Maybe his absences were caused by his depression!

**This is a very thought provoking essay Alex. **

_Or is it just deeds? _

_It is commonly thought that spies and soldiers are our countries heroes because they protect us from the evils of the world. But as Friedrich Nietzsche says "Be careful when you fight the monsters, lest you become one". Isn't this what happens to military personnel all over the world? Oh yes they protect civilians but in the end they will become just as bad as those they fight. For example, at Guantanamo Bay American soldiers were willing to torture terror suspects to get the information they needed._

Alex actually had a good point there backed up by a quote and a real life event. Jessica was quietly impressed with Alex's work even though she thought the judgement was faulty. Jessica decided to write that as well around there highlighting the quote and the example as it was obvious that a lot of effort had been put into this essay. He must have a good memory to quote perfectly. Maybe that was reason he was depressed and rarely turned up to school as he got perfect grades whenever he turned up.

Jessica had heard it said that many of the genius' had done awfully at school as they were simply bored by the material. Jessica had to say that in Alex Rider's case it would certainly make a lot of sense. And the depression was just stemming from being so stifled at school. He wasn't coming into school because he saw no point in coming. Yes Jessica would definitely have to talk to Nancy about Alex Rider. Jessica turned to the next paragraph to see if he had wrote anything a bit less dark. Apparently not:

_Can we say these me are heroes? No of course not they have tortured. _

At least Alex knew that much about morality. But there were plenty of other soldiers that had high strung morals even if they did kill, weren't there? Jessica thought about the other boys who had wrote about an idealised spy like James Bond. Here Alex was writing about the same thing but telling her what a dirty job it was. Alex was definitely unusual in that concern as in every concern. But he did have a good style of writing she had to give him that. Jessica suspected that for the essay, if not his psychological profile, Alex would get a good grade.

_Can we say that those who work in the Black ops who are employed assassins are heroes? _

Again Jessica shivered a bit. Alex had once again used a real world example to prove his point. It was obvious that Alex hadn't been writing prose like all the other students. But had rather done a persuasive essay about the lack of heroes in the world Jessica didn't like that idea one bit. It was all very sad. But Jessica had always hated the fact that their government who claimed to be against capital punishment still employed what was in essence an assassin. Jessica again wrote that it was good that he had proved his point.

**Glad that you have proved your point of view.**

_They may save people but their methods are highly questionable. _

"Highly questionable"? Jessica shook her head it was almost like Alex approved or empathized with those who killed for the good of the country. But wasn't that all soldiers? Oh no Alex was convincing her that he was right. And she so did not want to even go there. Jessica wanted this essay over and done with and quickly. She wanted to hand it over to someone else and not concern herself with the boy anymore. Jessica wrote that Alex had a very persuasive argument which he did. She was becoming swayed by the boy.

He would be one hell of a writer or journalist. Jessica knew that the science and maths department wanted him to go study at Oxford or Cambridge their chosen subjects. But she felt that he would do good journalism if very controversial journalism. Jessica decided she'd suggest this to the boy. Jessica wondered what the boy wanted to do anyway. Surely by now he'd have some idea. And hopefully it wouldn't involve crime! Jessica knew that Alex had been going to America to be adopted by some journalist but for some reason over the holidays it hadn't worked out.

_This is the same as spies everywhere. _

Why did it seem that the boy knew more about spies, assassins and soldiers than any other child even Gracie whose brother was in the army knew. This was very odd and Jessica didn't like it not one bit. Maybe the boy knew someone who worked for the military in some capacity. But surely there were good spies somewhere. Jessica couldn't stand the idea of the world being so dark. Jessica wasn't one to see the world as hopeless as it seemed Alex Rider saw it. But did he really see it as depressing or did he just see what is and it not bother him?

_It is only the side that that so called good and bad people belong to that differs not the methods. _

**It is only the separate sides that so called good and bad people belong to that differs and not the methods.**

Jessica corrected this and wondered if this was true.

_Can we really use the excuse an ends to a means? Or does that make us as bad as the people we fight? What is a hero? I believe there is no such thing as heroes._

_A hero is like magic and destiny exists only in the realm of storybooks, children and people who do not or cannot see in the real world, naïve people. There is no point in believing in things like heroes it only gets you hurt in the end. It is far better to see the world as it is. Because in the real world unlike the movies the good guys can die in horrific pain but the bad guys often walk away their plans having succeeded. Bad guys are not bald men in black suits stroking white cats like in cartoons. It is almost impossible to tell an assassin from a normal civilian. It is that what makes them so dangerous._


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

It was Monday morning at Brookland and Jessica was hurrying along to Nancy the school psychologist with Alex Rider's paper graded with an A to show her. She knocked just in case the psychologist was talking to someone and Jessica didn't want to interrupt if she was helping someone. Maybe even Alex had gone to get help all on his own. Jessica hoped so it would make her job so much easier if the boy had already gone for help. But apparently no one was in before the school day had even started.

'Come in,' called Nancy.

Jessica entered calmly feeling much like a school child having to go home sick. She looked around at the plain white walls and the small bunch of purple flowers on the psychologist's desk. Everything was perfectly neat for the psychologist. Jessica located the psychologist herself who was reading _Child Psychology _by _Doctor Anupriya Chadha_. Nancy looks very absorbed in her reading even though having called Jessica in. But she looks up her violet eyes and smile lines crinkling when she looks at Jessica.

'Jessica,' smiles Nancy as they weren't in the presence of pupils more than happy to call Jessica by the first name, 'is everything all right?'

'I set an essay on heroes. This is what Alex Rider wrote,' Jessica said.

Jessica hands over the essay and Nancy takes it. Jessica watches as the motherly psychologist frowns obviously not liking what she's reading. And for good reason thought Jessica sadly remembering what Rider had wrote about heroes. Did that mean that she would help him? Jessica hoped so and thought so. The grey haired, violet eyed women usually with a smile plastered all over her old face, was for once looking old and weary a sad look in her eyes. Jessica saw the woman sigh to herself and face Jessica.

'I've noticed something off with Alex since his uncle's death,' admitted the psychologist, 'but it is only now that I know how bad it is. Where is he first?'

Jessica watched as Nancy typed Alex's name into the computer and school database located where Alex was.

'Yes, he's in P.E.,' Nancy said. 'I'll call him to talk first thing.'

Alex was in the toilet in the boys changing rooms. Alex knew that everyone but Tom thought this was odd as they all changed together. But Alex didn't want anyone seeing the mass of scars and fading bruises on his body. Not even Tom knew the full extent of his injuries. That was left down to Snake his unit medic and Ben his partner. They were going to be doing running today. Alex who had done SAS training and was going back there for the holidays (but was allowed a few days break around Christmas) could run the circuit without breaking a sweat.

This made him even odder to his peers as he was apparently a sickly child who was physically fitter than the rest of them put together. It was that which made them disbelieve Alex. Luckily Alex's P.E. teacher liked the fact that when he was here he was so fit so turned a blind eye to his mysterious absences. He walked out of the toilet and to his surprise saw Mr Teague standing in his grey trackies and white top. Alex thought he was a bit early as Alex was one of the first to be dressed. He thought that something must be wrong so instinctively began to observe all possible exits.

'Alex,' Mr Teague said. 'I have been asked from Dr. Kaspar if you could go and see her.'

Alex knew who Nancy Kaspar was. The whole school did. She was the school psychologist. But Alex had never felt any need to go and talk to her. And even if he had it wasn't like she could have done any good. Seeing a psychologist would only help Alex if he could and was willing to be honest. But it would put the old woman in a lot of danger if he told her the truth. Anyway one of Mrs. Jones' conditions on giving him a job was that he got a psychologist which he saw before and after each mission and as long as Fabian Murray saw fit.

Alex heard the whisperings of the students about him. This wasn't anything knew to Alex. There had been whispers about him ever since his first mysterious absence two years ago in March. At first it had died down pretty quickly. But as he missed more and more school the whispers became more and more pronounced. This didn't bother Alex; he had faced bigger things than school gossip. He'd heard all the rumours. The students may think they were being subtle but they clearly knew nothing about subtlety.

There were ones about Alex being a drug addict. Alex hated these rumours mainly because he hated drugs. Then those who saw Alex and realised he was no addict had started to think he was dealer. This particular rumour had lead some addicts trying to get smack off him. Alex had told them quite clearly that he hated drugs and would have nothing to do with them and advised the older boy to get help. This had lead to him being hit. Alex could easily have fought back but didn't want to hurt the other child who had no experience with real fights.

Unlike Alex who could take on several assassins at the same time nowadays. This was thanks to both SAS and SCORPIA training. It was strange to think that the ones who had murdered his whole family had actually helped him in some ways. But for some reason this rumour still circulated. Then there were the rumours about him being involved with some sort of gang because of the bruises and cuts. Alex ignored these. Then there were the rumours about him being a criminal and mentally disturbed. Alex supposed it was only a matter of time before he was forced to see a psychologist by the school as well as MI6.

'Told you he was mentally disturbed,' whispered Carl Lane.

'So he really is getting help,' whispered Troy Jackson.

'Heard he's been sectioned,' added John Stevenson.

Alex just rolled his eyes at all the immature mutterings going on. And the boys said the girls were gossipers. But he supposed spies could be just as bad. He completely ignored them not even blushing at this. Alex was sure if this had happened eighteen months ago he would have been mortified but now school children didn't bother him. Alex saw Tom giving Alex a sympathetic look. Alex just calmly walked out obviously not one bit bothered. Alex was sure that this would give the students further things to gossip about.

Alex then saw the old grey haired, wrinkle faced, violet eyed woman who was dressed in smart black trousers and a horrible lime green jumper. Alex checked her up and down instinctively for the look of any concealed weapons on her person. Alex was pleased to note that there was none. Alex ignored Mr. Teague's worried look when he saw that Alex had an appointment with a psychologist but didn't really mind. Alex walked over to the old lady who he walked in companionable silence towards her office.

Alex refused to sit down until the psychologist had done so in her leather computer seat behind the computer screen. Alex then sat down on the comfy seat obviously there to put him at ease. Alex looked around. There was only one, large window which Alex made to stay away from in case of any snipers. He was sat where he could see the door so that if anyone came he couldn't be taken by surprise. He could easily hide behind the desk or get to the window to climb out and could get to the door to run out.

'So Alex, can I call you Alex?' asked Dr Kaspar.

'Of course,' shrugged Alex.

'Good,' smiled Dr Kaspar, 'I suspect your wondering why you're here.'

Alex wasn't he had already come to the conclusion that someone had said they were worried about him due to his long absences. Alex could understand this if a child was off for long for long regular intervals and then came back covered in bruises and scars it was natural to worry. Add in his uncle's death and the sudden lack of friends and the look in his eyes. Well it was to be expected that someone would recommend him to a psychologist. But Alex was thinking about what to say to that question.

Knowledge was power Alex had often found it better not to give everything away. So Alex wasn't about to admit he knew exactly what the reason was that the psychologist had pulled him out of class for. He had no qualms about appearing like an idiot at times; it kept people off the truth. But what did she want. Alex looked at her as the silence drew out between the two of them. Alex then decided it was best to act like a regular teenager for once in his life so gave a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders.

'Your English teacher Miss Collins marked your essay on heroes. She thinks you sound depressed and I think I agree with her,' Dr Kaspar said. 'Do you think you're depressed?'

'No,' Alex said.

Dr Kaspar sighed, 'so why have you been off.'

Alex briefly deliberated telling her the truth just to see what she would say to that. She would probably have him really committed to a mental ward until MI6 saved him. What could he that he was a teenaged spy who worked for MI6 who would leave school for weeks at a time to do almost suicidal missions and then return to school afterwards. Dr Kaspar would probably think he was lying like Sabina had or think he was having delusions of grandeur or something like that. It didn't bother Alex what she thought of him but being in a mental ward was such a waste of his time.

'I've been ill,' Alex said deciding to tell the lie that he had been sent back with.

Another sigh from the doctor, 'then may I ask where you obtained the knife wound from.'

'I fell when I was cutting bread and cut myself with the bread knife,' lied Alex.

'How's your home life?' asked the psychologist.

'Good,' Alex said.

'Your guardian Ben Daniels am I right?' asked the doctor.

'Yeah,' Alex shrugged.

'Do you get on with him?' asked Dr Kaspar.

'Yeah Ben's great,' Alex said knowing she was checking for child abuse. 'Though don't let him bring Rory Edwards,' Alex shuddered.

'Does this Rory hurt you?' asked the psychiatrist.

At this Alex couldn't help but laughing, 'what Rory?' snorted Alex. 'Nah he's just like a hyper kid,' shrugged Alex. 'Let me tell you if you want your kitchen to be intact when he's finished don't let him near caffeine, sugar or alcohol or anything with E numbers.'

'Okay so your absences started with your uncle's death. May I ask why?' asked the psychologist.

'The initial stress of Ian's death caused my immune system to lower,' shrugged Alex.

'Ian not uncle?' asked Doctor Kaspar.

'He said uncle made him sound old,' shrugged Alex.

'Okay how did you feel about your uncle's death?' asked Doctor Kaspar.

Alex frowned wondering what to say here once more. It was obvious that he couldn't tell the truth. How could he tell her the confusion about all the lies being told? How could he say that things didn't add up? How could he talk about the fact that he realised he barely knew the man at all? How could he even begin to explain the fear when he realised that Ian hadn't died in a car crash but had been shot down by an assassin. How could he explain the betrayal when he realised he had been lied to all his life.

'Shocked,' Alex finally said. 'Worried about who was going to take me. Sad that I'd never see him again,' Alex said.

'Did it depress you?' asked Doctor Kaspar.

'I told you I'm not depressed,' Alex said angrily.

'Did you ever see the body?' asked Doctor Kaspar.

'No,' Alex shook his head.

'How did you come to terms with his death?' asked Doctor Kaspar.

Again another question Alex couldn't answer truthfully at all. Alex had got the name off the breakers yard off the school directory. Alex had then snuck into the breakers yard where he was almost caught several times. Then he had seen the car splayed with machine gun fire. And he had known right then and there what had happened. Ian Rider had been murdered. And it couldn't have been faked. Then he had almost been killed by a car crushed and then fought with an MI6 agent. Not that Alex had been aware of this till a few days later.

'I just knew it in my heart of hearts that he wasn't coming back from the business trip,' Alex finally said.

'Did he leave you a lot?' asked Doctor Kaspar.

'He worked,' replied Alex.

'Since he adopted you?' asked the doctor.

'Since I was seven and he employed a housekeeper,' Alex said.

'And where is she now?' asked the doctor.

'Died in a car crash when we were holidaying in Egypt,' Alex said tensely.

'When?' the doctor asked gently.

'Last summer,' Alex told her stiffly.

'Did that hurt?' asked Nancy Kaspar.

'Of course,' Alex scowled.

'Have you come to terms with it?' asked Kaspar.

'I saw it, didn't I?' scowled Alex.

'Have you gotten any help before?' asked the psychologist.

'I don't need help,' Alex said again.

This went on like this for a while before sighing the psychiatrist called it to a halt, 'okay I think we should arrange a time to meet. How about my house on Saturday; is one O'clock okay for you.'

Alex thought he was still of duty.

'Fine,' Alex said reluctantly.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

It was the next Saturday and Nancy was in her home waiting for Alex Rider to come. She had asked her colleagues about Alex's symptoms but none of them seemed to know what the symptoms added up to. Nancy felt slightly guilty at the fact that she had done exactly what Alex had asked her not to. She remembered those all too serious dark brown eyes boring into her eyes that previous Monday when he had been called out of class. She had found herself strangely drawn to the child. He intrigued her. She wanted to uncover those secrets.

'Don't mention this to anyone outside of the school,' begged the boy.

Alex had then turned on his heal and returned to P.E. classroom. Nancy presumed that the boy was paranoid about anyone finding out he was having therapy. But the psychologist believed he needed it. No child should look that serious ever. But if only the boy would tell her the truth so Nancy could help. She couldn't tell where the truth ended and the lies began. But she knew in her gut that he was keeping something from her, something big. Despite the bruises the fact that he could talk so easily about his guardian led her to the belief that he wasn't being abused.

Then what were his secrets? And where had he really obtained all the scars from? Why did he have such old eyes? Why was he always missing from school? In the name of the wee man that boy was such a mystery. And Nancy Kaspar really hated mysteries! But little did she know that right this moment across town several armed men were moving across the city. The events of this afternoon Nancy would lead Doctor Kaspar to become the patient when she found out the truth about Brookland's most mysterious student.

At exactly one O'clock Nancy heard her doorbell ring. Nancy was slightly surprised none of her other teenagers had arrived on time even with their parents there. Nancy turned up at the door where Alex Rider was standing his longish blonde hair flowing in the air. Alex's eyes were as serious as ever and he was looking calm with little (if any) emotions playing upon them. He was wearing what seemed to be a motorbike suit **(1)**. Typical teenaged boy too young to drive but still adoring vehicles Nancy thought. At least there was something ordinary about Alex.

Nancy looked at the boy from his sturdy black leather boots to his tight fitting leather trousers and jacket. When Alex turned to walk into the living room she saw the back of his jacket there a symbol that she recognized. It was a dagger with wings and the motto "who dares wins" **(2)**. Nancy had seen it before on the news and knew it to be the SAS symbol. Nancy could only presume that the boy like so many others his age saw the heroes of the SAS and wished to join. But that didn't fit in with the young boy's essay. There was another oddity about Alex Rider. Was this boy anything but a mystery?

She and Alex had settled into the lemon yellow living room with laminate flooring. There was a large bay window which Alex couldn't help but feel a sense of foreboding about. Alex somehow doubted that the window of a psychologist's living room was bullet proof. Alex sat down on the white armchair in the corner deciding that in this very open room it was best be here where he could jump either way if there were any attackers. Alex hated being in a room like this that made him feel so vulnerable.

Well at least he had his bullet proof clothing on. Alex had managed to get one with an SAS symbol which he knew the psychologist would have spotted even if she wouldn't realise what it meant. It wasn't until the psychologist sat down all to near the window for Alex's liking that the talk began once more. Alex didn't know why but he was feeling quite uneasy just now. Alex hadn't planned on coming here but Ben (who had received the letter from the school) had said that it would look suspicious if he didn't come so Alex had come. But he had given her another background check and she had come out fine.

'How are you feeling today, Alex?' smiled Nancy.

'Good,' Alex said not expanding on that.

'So what have you done today so far?' asked Nancy expecting him to say sleeping didn't all teenagers sleep until like one in the afternoon.

'Went for a run,' the boy said.

Did this boy do anything that was expected of him wondered Nancy. Nancy knew the answer to that question. No! Alex Rider was just unusual. She wondered if he was worried about his weight. It was something more associated with females than males but it could happen sometimes. Nancy decided she would check to see if her worries were true. But he hadn't appeared to be. He certainly had plenty of food if he refused to eat foods high in E numbers or were too fatty unlike most teenaged boys.

'Any particular reason?' asked Nancy.

'Want to keep fit,' replied Alex.

'Anything else?' asked Nancy.

'Did some catch up work,' replied Alex.

'Good, good,' Nancy said. 'Did you find that difficult?'

'Not particularly,' shrugged Alex.

'Do you find that the work is too easy for you?' asked Nancy.

'Only Spanish,' replied Alex.

'Spanish?' asked Nancy.

'I lived in Spain for a year when I was six,' replied Alex.

'Did you like it there?' asked Nancy.

'The weather was nice,' replied Alex giving absolutely nothing away to Nancy.

Nancy sighed, 'any friends?'

'I went to a Spanish school,' Alex said.

'Did you find it hard to fit in with the Spainyards?' asked Nancy.

'I was six,' Alex replied.

Nancy was beginning to wonder if she would find anything out about this mysterious boy. In her two sessions with him she had found out that Alex's guardian Ben Daniels had a mate called Ben Edwards. Ben Edwards got hyper when he was on sugar or caffeine. He had a housekeeper who became his guardian until she too died in another car crash whilst holidaying in Egypt. Ian Rider often worked away. Alex liked to keep fit, was fluent in Spanish having lived there when he was six. Did that boy give anything away?

'How did you feel coming back to England?' asked Nancy.

'It was cold,' Alex said wryly.

'Did you miss your friends?' asked Nancy.

'I was six,' repeated Alex.

'How about at school now only Tom Harris seems to be your friend. How does make you feel?' asked Nancy.

'I have Tom,' Alex said.

'Do you find your rely on him?' asked Nancy.

'Hardly,' Alex replied.

'Alex I can't help you if you don't give me anything to work on,' Nancy said.

'Who said I need help?' asked Alex sharply. 'A newbie teacher,' he sneered.

'I think you do,' Nancy said ignoring the jibe on her colleague. At least he was now responding.'

'Rosenhan, 1973,' replied Alex.

Nancy knew what Alex was referring to. In 1973 David Rosenhan had done an experiment on how mentally ill patients were diagnosed. He and several of his associates pretended to have hallucinations to get them checked into a mental hospital. After that they dropped the act. It took months for them to be let out of the hospitals. It was found that the staff saw normal signs as the sign of mental illness** (3)**. Nancy realised that Alex was implying that she was seeing what she wanted to see.

Nancy frowned unsure what to say to the boy right that second. But it turned out that she didn't need to think of what to say as she was interrupted. Just as Nancy was thinking of what to say the glass in her living room window shattered into a million bits. There framed in the pale winter sun were three men dressed in black ninja suits obscuring their faces. But what terrified Nancy more than anything was the fact that they were all carrying large guns. That was when Alex Rider had bounded in front of her and pushed her down behind the sofa with an order.

'Okay stay down and whatever happens DON'T get involved,' he said putting particular emphasis on the word "don't".

Nancy was in too much shock to not listen to Alex so let him push her down behind the sofa. Nancy watched as the teenager turned and faced the ninjas. It felt vaguely like a scene out of bad film. It was then that Nancy noticed the silver shapes on their arms glittering. Alex didn't even look frightened. It was as though he did this every day. What was Alex Rider involved in? He was just a kid! Nancy felt herself shaking. She knew she was having a panic attack. It was usually her who dealt with panicking children but now she had no idea how to help herself.

'Ah well if it isn't SCORPIA you would think after everything you would give up on trying to murder me,' Alex said.

Nancy could only watch in horror as the scene before her unfolded. So the ninjas were after Alex! But they didn't seem like a normal teenage gang. So then what in the name of all that's holy was Alex Rider involved in? Who on earth was scorpia? Why did they want Alex dead? And no wonder Alex looked so hardened if he had almost been killed before? But Nancy felt herself unable to move; her body frozen in it's terror. She was whimpering like a wounded puppy but just couldn't do anything about it.

'Agent Rider,' greeted one of the ninjas in a Scottish accent. 'You brought down SCORPIA.'

Agent? Nancy couldn't make head or tale of what was going on. What the crazy gunman mean agent? What was Alex an agent of? The way that the ninja had made it sound she'd have thought that he meant some sort of spy? But that was crazy. Who in the right mind would employ a fifteen year old kid as a spy? The government surely wouldn't do that. It was illegal for anyone under sixteen to join any branch of the military that Nancy knew. And what did they mean Alex had brought down scorpia?

'Quite,' agreed Alex. 'I remember when you were the biggest and most terrifying terrorist organisation in the world. Now look at you going after children and psychologists; no longer able to bring down countries and assassinate presidents. People take you about as seriously as they do clowns.'

Nancy couldn't believe what Alex was doing. He was purposely jibing these, these terrorists! Who in the right mind would do that? She knew that Alex seemed slightly depressed but she didn't think that he was suicidal. But he didn't even seem frightened of confronting terrorists! But here he was calling these terrorists clowns! Nancy heard a hysterical laugh escape her. It was a second before Nancy realised it was her who had made the sound. This of course had made the terrorists see her. But they seemed to be more focussed on Alex Rider.

'Ah but you are no ordinary child,' said the leader.

'MI6's bloody brain child,' muttered another American sounding man.

'Ah Walker long time no see,' smirked Alex. 'How have you been? How did you escape being arrested?'

How Alex could be smiling at a time like this Nancy didn't know. But apparently Alex had managed it. Nancy was wondered once again if the boy was completely mad. How did the boy even know the terrorist? But it seemed that Nancy's thoughts had been confirmed. They had said Alex was MI6's brain child whatever that meant. So the boy was a spy. They had a spy in their school. A spy that was being attacked by terrorists he had offended right now. She had been employed after the shooting last year. Had Alex had something to do with it?

'The CIA thought I was working undercover like daddy dearest was,' the terrorist called Walker said. Nancy could here the smirk in his voice. 'You could have been a great assassin.'

"Daddy dearest"? Thought Nancy getting even more lost with where this insane conversation was going. Were they actually offering Alex a job? Nancy doubted that the boy would take it considering that he had apparently torn the terrorist agency that Nancy had never even heard of apart. But what about the comment on Alex's father she wondered. Was Alex's father also a double agent for scorpia? Or was the senior Rider in MI6 like Alex? Had he been killed by these assassins? What was going on?

'Afraid it's spying that's in my blood,' Alex said cheerfully.

So Alex's father was a spy! Or at least that's what it sounded like to Nancy. But how could Alex sound so cheerful when here she was having a breakdown on the floor. Nancy was unashamed to say she was completely terrified at what was going on.

'Indeed,' agreed the lead man. 'But you have no qualms about killing people, do you, Alex?'

Did the man mean what she thought he did? But surely Alex hadn't … wouldn't! Nancy may not have full accepted the fact that her student was a spy. But being a spy was one thing. Killing was another. But those dark brown eyes set in a fifteen year old's face that should be full of innocence was telling her something else. Alex Rider had killed. It explained his essay on heroes; his steadfast belief that there was no such thing as heroes. He wasn't depressed he saw the world differently through the eyes of one with a legal if not moral job.

'You know that as well as I do,' Alex said calmly.

'Even children,' Walker added.

Nancy's violet eyed widened. Surely the man didn't mean what Nancy thought he meant. Even spies wouldn't kill children! What had Alex done?

'I wouldn't count Julius as a child,' Alex said in a hard voice.

"Julius"? thought Nancy. So Alex had killed a child!

'Neither would I you,' added the terrorist.

'I'm no clone,' Alex said.

A clone? What the hell! This was sounding more and more like some bad Saturday morning cartoon show with teenage spies … bloody hell were there more? And child clones. But by the looks of these four figures it seemed that all this insanity was true. No wonder Alex had been unwilling to tell her anything. If he had she would have said he was insane and he would be locked up in a mental asylum forever. Well that's probably not true MI6 would probably free him. They couldn't leave their agent there.

'No your not,' agreed the leader. 'But before long you'll be dead.'

'I don't think so,' Alex said in a hard cold voice.

Alex too brought out a gun this one much smaller than the terrorists' guns. It was only then that looking between the four men and seeing the SAS symbol emblazoned on Alex's back did Nancy realise. The boy must have connections with the SAS. He was a spy after all. As was his father. He must have some sort of connections with the SAS through his work. But then a shot rang through the air cold and clear as crystal. Alex had fired it! Nancy watched as the lead man fell down. Alex watched the boy making no obvious reaction to this.

It was clearer than ever to Nancy that Alex had done this before, perhaps many times. Nancy felt physically ill. How could someone especially a child do this? Nancy now knew that it was not like in the movies not at all. Suddenly there was the sound of gun shots ringing out all across the room. Alex ducked behind a nearby seat using it as a cover. Soon the other two men were also dead having no cover. Alex swept himself down concealing his weapon once more then walked over to Nancy. Nancy couldn't help the flinch that had followed.

She had seen the same in many of the frightened post shooting children and many abused children all over London but never for a second had Nancy considered she herself would display the same fear. But Alex knelt down next to her no longer looking ice cold and terrifying. No longer with the eyes of a cold blooded killer that made Nancy wonder why he wasn't an assassin! Now in those justifiably serious brown eyes was concern for her. He didn't try to approach her again. Nancy knew this was a technique used for all abused children.

'Hey, Nancy, right, it's okay, it's okay,' Alex tried to reassure her.

When Nancy didn't – couldn't – make any reply. Alex sighed and pulled out an expensive looking Iphone which looked much like many other similar phones Nancy had seen among other children. But knowing what she did about Alex Rider she knew this could all be a deception. He put it to his ear obviously wringing someone.

'Snake,' the boy said.

Snake what a weird name thought Nancy.

'Just been attacked by three scorpia agents,' Alex said. 'Nancy Kaspar the psychologist I was telling you about she seems to be in shock. What do I do?'

Obviously getting instructions from this person called Snake. It couldn't be the man's real name. Nancy just presumed that it was some sort of code name. They used code names in the army didn't they? Maybe it was the same in MI6. Nancy didn't know enough about it to say. It was called the secret service for a reason!

'Okay your safe,' said Alex and when Nancy didn't reply he repeated it. 'Safe all safe.'

Alex eventually managed to get Nancy calmed down.

'Shouldn't I be doing this?' murmured Nancy.

Alex chuckled at this, 'I'm used to this. You are most certainly not. I have an assigned psychologist like all military field personnel do. Plus I've been trained to deal with situations like this.'

'Oh,' was all Nancy could think of saying.

'My friends are coming soon,' added Alex.

Nancy could only nod.

'Do you kill often?' asked Nancy suddenly.

'Yes,' Alex said simply after a hesitation.

Barely five minutes later and Nancy's house was filled with the military. Nancy was taken to a hospital to be treated by the few cuts on her face and arms were the glass had hit her. Alex had stayed with her the entire time. She had been forced to sign the Official Secrets Act. She then got a psychologist herself which if she hadn't been feeling so shattered would have been a novel experience for her. As it was she decided to retire and move home unable to cope with the memories and the fact that three people had been murdered in her old home. She never saw Alex Rider again but thought of him often.

Where was he now? Was he still spying? Had he been killed yet? And that was the last anyone at Brookland ever heard of Doctor Nancy Kaspar. Only Alex Rider and Tom Harris (if a much toned down version) knew of the reasons why she had really retired. Jessica Collins suggested several times that Alex get counselling but nothing ever came of it. Soon Jessica forgot about the troubling essay on heroes. Alex graduated and moved quickly through the ranks of MI6 and that was that. If anyone ever connected the dots with Alex's counselling session and Nancy's sudden retirement nobody mentioned it.

**Couldn't help but include this. I love the idea of Alex on a motorbike. I think it's just so him.**

**Really SAS symbol**

**This is a real psychology experiment that I learnt about in Higher Psychology**

**So this Fic is done. I'm planning to do a sequel to My Daddy the Hero soon. It will be about what happens when John Rider gets into the SAS and surprise for him his dad is giving a seminar.**


End file.
